The Dog's Diary: Happiest Dog in the World
by Natmonkey
Summary: The third entry in Stubbs' diary. Nail-biting action as he tries to defend his mistress with his life! Well, maybe not nail-biting and maybe not action, but amusing at the very least.


I don't like it here. It stinks. The people in the houses were all scared and when it was dark, all these stinky things that looked a little like humans came out of this place. They walked funny, they made funny noises: a lot like "raaagh" en "uhhhhn". Very funny sounds, I liked those. But they tasted icky. Really icky. One of them was so mean to the lady. It gave her wounds on her back. Really bad ones, with blood and everything. Poor lady. I was too late, and the male with the yellow fur too. He killed it, and then I took off its head just to make sure. At least that one will never bother the lady again. The lady looks different now. Her green pelt is gone; now she has a black one. With red plants on it. But they're not really plants.

Funny. Human males really seem to like the lady. Another one wants to mate with her! He looked funny; a smooth, shiny pelt in lots of different colours, and orange fur on his head. This male gets that particular smell whenever the lady is near him. The male with the black fur had the exact same thing. Wonder where he is now? Probably off trying to find another mate. The lady didn't want him. She doesn't want this one either. The lady sure is picky when it comes to taking a mate. But that's okay. As long as I'm here, she will never be lonely.

The big male who came with us, I like him. You know why? He's quiet. The other male talks so much I think my ears will fall off if I listen to him too long. He mostly talks to me about how much he likes the lady. No need to tell me; everyone can see it. I'll call him Tin Can, because he has a hide so hard it makes a loud clang when enemies hit it, and he makes me think of the tin can humans in the place with the wrinkly female and her maker and stuff. The big male says I'm a true warrior, worthy of respect! Don't know what that means, but it sounds good. Tin Can is nice too though; he calls me "good puppy" and pets me a lot. And he was raised by dogs! No wonder he smells like one sometimes. I like that. He is my friend! But the lady is still my best friend ever.

The stinky things came out of this place. It's big here, all stone. And metal. So many stinky things, even inside. I don't like it here. There are cages for humans, and there is a human in one of them. I can't really tell if it's male or female, because it has such a squeaky voice and isn't very big, but I can smell that it's afraid. And wounded. It smells like blood. The lady is talking to this human; they know each other well, I think. Maybe they came from the same litter? They do have almost the same colour fur and she is holding hands with it. Must be some kind of connection. Oh, the lady is letting the human out of its cage. Good. It needs feeding. Much too thin. Just like the angry female.

* * *

"Other dogs!" I can smell them, very close to here. Oh, but these aren't happy dogs like me, no, not at all. I can only growl; these dogs are dangerous. I also smell the skinny human. It must be following us. But that's alright, because I'm sure it's harmless. Nothing so thin and wounded can hurt us.

"Are there mabari here, boy?" the lady asks, patting me on the head.

Oh boy, petting. "Yes!"

"Are they hostile?" The lady pets me some more.

"Yes!" If hostile means angry, then yes. They're angry. They're dangerous. I need to protect my lady.

The lady looks a little sadly at me. "Then stay back, boy, I don't want you to witness them dying."

"What? I don't think so, lady!" It's my job to protect her. The lady saved my life. I'm not going to stay back!

"You wish to help?" The lady sighs. "Fine then, come along."

Nope! Going to do this all on my own. Some more petting, and there I go, quickly into the room with the dogs. They immediately begin barking.

"Intruder! Intruder!" they all say. I don't think I can talk to these guys; they don't seem very smart. All they can do is bark about an intruder. Suddenly they all look at something behind me. Oh, no, the lady! Why didn't you just stay behind? It's not safe here. The leader of the pack is getting ready to attack, but then the lady sets it on fire. That's a neat trick. The other dogs are still fine though, and now _they_ want to attack her.

I jump in front of her. "_You keep your paws off my lady_!"

* * *

Well, that is it. The other dogs are all dead. It's sad, but it had to be done. If they had killed the lady, I would be so sad. And lonely. But because the lady came running to save me, the others are calling her stupid. That's so sad. She doesn't deserve that. But at least the two females are on her side.

"Do not be so hard on her," the angry female says. She lays a thin arm around the lady's shoulders.

"I agree," the nice female agrees. "She was merely concerned for his handsome boy." And then she rubs me between my ears.

"I love you, lady!" I get on my hind legs and put my front paws on the lady's shoulders. Her face needs kisses! Ooh, hugs. Yay!

"Down boy!" The lady wipes her face when I sit down. She looks like she thinks it's icky. I think I have bad breath. Maybe if I ate some of the plants the angry female always has... That would work. Yes, I'll do that. Ooh, the lady is playing dead! We're playing! I roll onto my back next to her, paws in the air. Look, I'm dead too.

The lady laughs a little. "Are his pants gone yet?" she asks. Pants? I know what pants are! Pants are those things humans put on their legs. If they're not split down the middle, they're called 'shirt'. I think. Whose pants? Tin Can's? Has to be. The lady has no interest in the big male, and only he and Tin Can are wearing pants.

I'm going to help! I get up and tug at Tin Can't pants. "Hey! Hey!" he yells. It's funny. Oops, made him fall. Aw, it didn't work. Yay, I made the lady happy! Look at her laugh. I sit down and look at her and Tin Can. He pretends to be angry, but I know it's not real. Putting a smile on the lady's face makes me so happy. I'm the happiest dog in the world, yes I am.


End file.
